Hello, Anxiety, My Old Friend

Anxiety is as much a part of me as my hazel eyes and the wax in my ears. I would rather that it were not so, but no matter how I think I am doing fear-wise, something generally comes along to remind me of my weakness. Perhaps I come by it honestly. I remember my mother waiting up because one of her "chickens wasn't in the roost" yet. I remember my dad searching the churning sky as another springtime storm overtook Taney County.  These are behaviors I have repeated. Do I get them from mom and dad? It doesn't really matter. Even if I am wired this way, it's not somebody else's fault that I get anxious. I have to own it.

For example, when the furnace wasn't working the other day, I went to the anxious place. I began to fret and stew. I couldn't sit still, I didn't want to talk. I had to walk around and fidget. My thoughts were something on the order of, "What are we going to do?" and "Why did this have to happen?" This past year has been one of job loss and diminished resources and so the specter of a major appliance repair or, gasp!, replacement was frightening. At least for one who worries.

Also inherent in my questions are accusation. Maybe it's not wrong to ask questions of God when things seem to go wrong, but there was a tinge of accusation in my thoughts. I toyed with the idea that God wasn't being fair. And at that point, I've crossed a line. The nature of God is such that He cannot be unfair, but I get so focused on the scary stuff around me that I fail to elevate my imagination and remember what I actually know is true.

And what is true for the guy with the busted furnace? The same things that are true for the guy with a working furnace. God knows all about me. He is not caught off guard by my dilemma, in fact, if I understand the Bible properly, He has been right by my side as I approached it. In other words, the Shepherd has led me to this moment. It is actually good that I am here for He does all things well.

So, ideally, how does Busted-Furnace Man handle his lot in life? Listen to the Shepherd:

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? (Matthew 6:25-27 ESV)

Indeed, which of us, by the power of Anxiety, can add a single hour to his span of life?

In Your Distress

"In my distress I called to the Lord, and he answered me." Psalm 120:1

When in distress, call to the Lord. Distresses come in all shapes and sizes. Some may be manageable; some may be unmanageable. There is an Almighty God Who stands outside of and beyond Creation and He Who spoke it all into existence can smooth out any distress by a word. (by saying God is outside and beyond, I don't mean to suggest He is removed or detached, but simply that He is greater) Honor Him by calling on Him in times of trouble for He is able enough, good enough, supreme enough to fix it. No one else is.

Where you and I turn in times of trouble reveals who, or what, we consider to be our god.

Resigning Or Embracing?

There is resigning oneself and then, there is embracing. For a while now, I have been resigned to my lot. I think it comes from a pure desire to acknowledge, to praise the Sovereignty of God but, while His sovereignty is indeed praiseworthy I, by my attitude of resignation, have esteemed it as a lesser thing, a thing that is merely endured.

From the Valley of Vision:

Jehovah God,
Thou Creator, Upholder, Proprietor of all things,
I cannot escape from thy presence or control, nor do I desire to do so.
My privilege is to be under the agency of omnipotence, righteousness, wisdom, patience, mercy, grace.

The Puritan praying above sees it as a privilege to be under God's control and wisdom. He has not 'resigned' himself to it. To see it as privilege is to 'embrace' it.

"There has been a wonderful alteration in my mind, in respect to the doctrine of God's sovereignty . . . The doctrine has very often appeared exceeding pleasant, bright, and sweet. Absolute sovereignty is what I love to ascribe to God."  (Jonathan Edwards)

May it be so.

Pearls Lie Deep

 1 Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord!

2 O Lord, hear my voice!

Let your ears be attentive

to the voice of my pleas for mercy!

 3 If you, O Lord, should mark iniquities,

O Lord, who could stand?

 4 But with you there is forgiveness,

that you may be feared.

 5 I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,

and in his word I hope;

 6 my soul waits for the Lord

more than watchmen for the morning,

more than watchmen for the morning.

 7 O Israel, hope in the Lord!

For with the Lord there is steadfast love,

and with him is plentiful redemption.

 8 And he will redeem Israel

from all his iniquities.

Hear Mr. Spurgeon concerning Psalm 130:
"Out of the depths" is the leading word of it: out of those depths we cry, wait, watch, and hope. In this Psalm we hear of the pearl of redemption, verses 7 and 8: perhaps the sweet singer would never have found that precious thing had he not been cast into the depths. Pearls lie deep."

Encouragement: The Day After

And so, the day after being encouraged by Psalm 130.

I feel better and so the natural tendency is to let up. And it is also natural to want the feelings to come back, too. It has been my experience that, the feelings just cannot be replicated, at least, not in the same manner. God may reach down to touch me again, but not because my performance is right, or because I said the magic words, or because I am remorseful enough. No. I cannot act right and thereby cause the feelings to return. More plainly, you and I cannot make God do anything.

What I can do is earnestly seek Him again because "His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning." (Lamentations 3:22) I can seek Him again by faith, believing that "He is a rewarder of those who seek Him". (Hebrews 11:6) And if He touches me today, I will know He has come and has given Himself to me, and that will be the reward. God Himself is the reward. But it will not be true because I have some feeling. It would be true because He Himself is near and has let me know it. Then I feel something.